Blog · emotional Eating · Live much more Weigh much less · Most renowned · her Body · Your relationships · her Self
Picture this: We’re top top our means back native Mexico. I had actually just acquired Marshall come sleep ~ an hour that singing, bottles, peek-a-boo, and a blow out. Ns felt like I just won the lottery. Ns took some time to write out my best schedule because that the next couple of weeks. Jonathan peeks end my shoulder and asks me to share.
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“Well, on Monday, ns going to walk to prenatal yoga, then work-related for the remainder of the day, Tuesday is my day of meetings and also calls, Wednesday i’m going to go dancing and then occupational at a café the remainder of the day, Thursday morning I’ll have some downtime… etc etc.”
Then that says, “Ok, ns don’t desire you to take this the not correct way…”
“But perform you think you need to maybe walk to yoga 5 days a week, since you know, friend haven’t been going that much?”
OH NO, girlfriend DIDN’T.
“I MEAN, girlfriend were just a lot of stronger during your an initial pregnancy, and also I want this pregnancy to be simple for you.”
No sh*t Sherlock, probably since when I acquired pregnant the an initial time i didn’t just have a baby favor 10 minutes earlier. (If you’re new here, i’m pregnant, which taken place when my first son to be 9 months old).
I was livid. And hurt. And also felt prefer I weighed a million pounds.
I just stared in ~ him, said him ns didn’t desire to talk around it, and also locked myself in the plane bathroom and also cried.
Here’s the deal. Jonathan didn’t call me fat, to him discussing going to yoga is like asking if i was going to acquire a massage this week, yet given my history with feeling terrible about myself and also equating gift told to occupational out v needing come look a certain way, it felt so various than he intended.
And, this no the an initial time we’ve had a variation of this conversation, though it had been a while, probably years, that still kills me every time.
Has this ever before happened to you? and also maybe that wasn’t your husband, however a friend, her mother, or your doctor. If the has, you understand the pain, the embarrassment, and the intense anger. I was in that bathroom for a while, deciding just how to attend to this situation due to the fact that I to be clear I never wanted to feel this means again.Here’s exactly how I tackled it and also what you can do following time you find yourself in this situation…
ONE: feel ALL THE EMOTIONS. I felt shame, embarrassment, and anger. I was reminded of every the times anyone had ever before commented on my weight choose they were all on the plane telling me exactly how fat i was. I was 2nd guessing wearing my bikini every week, questioning my selections to not occupational out 5 work a week. Ns got small and sad.
TWO: obtain STRONG. After ~ I checked out the place of feeling choose a helpless, unsecured ten-year-old girl, ns tapped into my strong inner woman. I got back into mine seat, sat up straight, and looked straight at Jonathan. I talked for a long time and also don’t remember everything I said however the power was, “I to be awesome, ns am doing the ideal I can, and also my body is my business. Period.” i told that he was never enabled to make a comment around my body (unless it’s around how gorgeous ns am), my weight, functioning out, or food, ever, for as long as us live. It is mine domain, no his. This conversation is turn off the table. Ns told him just how much the hurt me, just how angry ns was and also how that made me feel. Yes, all on the plane, crying and speaking nice loudly. I want him come really gain that this was unacceptable.
THREE: know WHAT they MEANT. Now, this is not around excusing your behavior and making that ok. I believe that civilization should never meddle in her health, ever, uneven you space at major risk of hurting yourself or others, but I think you obtain that’s no what i’m talking about here. However, expertise what they supposed will aid you feeling better. The fact was that Jonathan was no saying ns was fat, nor was he informing me he want a trophy mam or that i was lazy (even though that’s just how I interpreted it). He to be actually just wanting me to feel strong, therefore I deserve to be comfortable during my pregnancy. Does this pardon the comment? Nope. But it enables me come come earlier to reality. The reality is the our partners need to be sensitive about how certain things make united state feel, not simply what they meant. Just since they wouldn’t feel hurt if we stated that come them, doesn’t median they have actually permission come say what they desire to us.
FOUR: it is in CLEAR around BOUNDARIES Tell whoever that is in a strong confident voice, “My body is my business. Period. Girlfriend are never welcome to mention anything around this ever before again, am ns clear? If you do, we’re walking to have to reevaluate our relationship.” Or something choose that.
It’s never easy come feel struck or shamed by a love one, even when they didn’t mean any harm and also 99% of the time they don’t. That ok to be sensitive, this is just how you are and there’s naught to it is in ashamed of. We all have actually a background that renders us emotional roughly conversations prefer these, and we can all do job-related to be stronger and more self-accepting, however that doesn’t average we can’t set some healthy boundaries with our partners.
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In the comments below I want to know, have actually you experience this before? and how you would take care of a case like this?
And if you recognize someone who has struggled v this in the past, i hope you will certainly share it through them through sending an email or using the society media buttons below.