If you provide a mommy a cookie, she’ll ask whether you remembered to revolve the cooktop off after you baked it.

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When you say that you did—however she goes to check anymeans, because you additionally sassist that you took off your shoes prior to you came in the residence and also you didn’t and you’d stepped in dog poop—she’ll notification an old piece of melted pizza cheese stuck to the bottom of the cooktop, smoking cigarettes.

When she notices the melted pizza cheese, she’ll look for some steel wool to clean it off.

When she digs approximately under the kitchen sink for the steel wool, she’ll realize that you’re out of steel wool, and also likewise that there’s a destructive smell dvery own there.

When she realizes that you’re out of steel wool and also that it smells like fermented herring under the sink, she’ll log on to Amazon to buy steel wool, and will ask, “Is that Goop lady-components candle fraprovide sufficient to cover the smell, and can you buy it on Amazon?”


When she logs on to Amazon, she’ll feel guilty around using Amazon (“also though Frances McDormand also made it seem not that bad”) and also decide to drive to the grocery keep rather. After all, she’s never before heard of a store-bought candle exploding.


When she gets to the grocery save, she’ll grab some eggs and milk and also additionally boxed macaroni and also cheese. (“It’s O.K.—it’s the kind with a photo of a farm on the back and pasta shaped prefer rabbits. And the cheddar is white, not yellow.”)


When she goes to pay for the groceries, she’ll realize that she left her credit card at the café wbelow her friend Susan told her she looked tired and then stated that crow’s-feet require just forty devices of Botox.

When she calls the café from exterior the grocery keep, a barista will certainly tell her that, yes, of course he remembers her. She was the one whose yogurt spilled everywhere the inside of her bag, so she needed, favor, a hundred napkins.

When she thinks around the bag, she’ll vow to gain it cleaned. And to acquire her hair cut. And to buy you new underwear. And to put even more money in her 401(k), so that she doesn’t need to be a burden to you once she’s old.

When she vows to do these points, she’ll feel flattened by the weight of both her to-do list and also her love for you.

When she feels this weight, she’ll look to the sky for a sense of perspective, and also the smog will remind her that worldwide temperatures are increasing. She’ll wonder whether she need to have actually biked to the keep rather of driving—but her bike tires are level, and also the pump is in a cracked bin in the basement somewhere. She’ll add “uncover pump,” “blow up tire,” and also “replace cracked bin” to her to-carry out list.

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When she contemplates rising global temperatures, she’ll remember the burned pizza cheese that she has to clean once she gets earlier residence. She’ll ask herself why she has to be the one to clean it, and also whether she need to have put you in a Montessori institution, where you could have actually learned, early on, the satisfaction of scrubbing. And exactly how to prepare your very own straightforward, wholesome meals, versus heating up frozen foods wrapped in plastic, which is probably leaching BPA right into your developing brain.