Cara Delevingne: ‘I constantly felt nice weird and also different together a kid’. Photograph: Ricky Vigil/GC Images
Cara Delevingne: ‘I constantly felt nice weird and also different as a kid’. Photograph: Ricky Vigil/GC Images

The model and actor Cara Delevingne has said the depression she suffered as a teenager left her emotion alienated and also suicidal.

You are watching: Cara delevingne as a teenager

Delevingne, among the many recognisable deals with in the world – she has fronted campaigns for Chanel and also Burberry – spoke around how she was often mistaken for a boy as soon as she was younger.

“If i wore the clothes I liked, with my short hair, everyone would certainly think that ns was a boy. Ns hated it. Also though ns looked choose a boy and also acted prefer a boy, i wasn’t a boy,” Delevingne called Net-A-Porter’s magazine, Porter.

“And when civilization said , ‘Oh, your son is therefore handsome,’ I would think, just how dare you to speak that! Like, why was I seen as a boy?”

She added: “I constantly felt pretty weird and different together a kid, and also that feeling was something i didn’t understand, or know just how to express ... The wasn’t like I was an alien, however I certainly knew there was something monster going on.”

Delevingne, 25, has moved away from she modelling career to focus on exhilaration – her following film is an adaptation of Deborah Moggach’s novel Tulip Fever, and also she is filming a TV series for Amazon. She has likewise written a young adult novel, Mirror, Mirror, illustration on her very own feelings that isolation together a teenager. It features a protagonist with alcoholic parents, a biographical nod to her mother’s battles with medicine addiction when she was growing up.


*

Cara Delevingne to walk the runway in 2016 for Chanel in Paris. Photograph: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty ImagesDelevingne has been open up in the past about her struggles with mental condition – she had a break down aged 15 and was taken out of institution – yet spoke in higher depth about how the privileged atmosphere she grew up in had actually not constantly been so knowledge of her depression. “So plenty of of my friends would say, ‘How have the right to you feel favor that?’ and, ‘But you’re therefore lucky,’ and also I’d be like, ns know, trust me, i know. I understand I’m the luckiest girl in the world, ns understand all of these things, and also I wish I could appreciate it. There is just something dark within me i cannot seem come shake.”

She explained how she had actually been a “late developer”, which had actually left her delicate to the cruelties of various other teenagers, that had called her frigid and flat-chested.

“I feeling alienated and alone, due to the fact that I to be like: those wrong through me? I constantly wanted human being to love me, so ns never obtained angry with them; i turned my anger on to myself. Rather of utilizing sword and shield , I simply put my shield up and also stabbed myself.

See more: Coming To America: The Story Of Immigration By Betsy Maestro

“I hated myself because that being depressed, ns hated emotion depressed, i hated feeling,” she recalls. “I was very an excellent at disassociating from emotion completely. And also all the time I was second-guessing myself, saying something and also then hating myself because that saying it. I didn’t know what to be happening except the reality that ns didn’t want to be alive anymore.”

Having been open about her reservations about modelling together a career, Delevingne stated that she move right into acting had offered her an ext of a sense of purpose, and also made she happier within herself than she had ever been.

“Being a teenager have the right to feel favor you’re ~ above a rollercoaster come hell, it is what it honestly felt like to me – but you can gain through it,” she added. “Time moves on, feelings pass, it does acquire better.”